You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
