Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
