I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Terrible idea I love it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
