chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
