I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
