I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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