At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
