i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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