We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
