New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
