He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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