So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
why is half of my head shaved?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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