Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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