he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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