i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
