No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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