Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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