So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
