so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
