Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
4 words: hood of his car
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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