i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
