if you like me you must not know who I am
literally had 100 drinks last night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
