roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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