Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
