Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
