I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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