I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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