I'm really into asian looking animals
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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