i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Acid is not a monday night drug
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
