This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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