Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
