Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Panties = found
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
