Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
