Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
