it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
