Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
