it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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