I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
