She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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