Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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