Don't make out with my wife yet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
