Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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