and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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