we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
