big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
