wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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