The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
