Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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