I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
