I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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